The Longing

still feeling numb
I wish I could tell her
I wish she would see it
the longing for a simple gesture
a smile, I would drown out the world for
a caress, a lingering kiss
I' ve fallen for that which cannot be
I've fallen so far I cannot see
this bitter sweet moment
etched for ever in me
she is my Ithaca my destination
forever lost forever striving
I am happy to have known her
to have held her hand, laughed with her
listened to her voice talking about summer dreams
winter haze, of endless things in a side walk cafe
where the world ceased to be
I could never tell her
she is the one, always been
never will I want to loose her

Ashes and Earth

the pyre has lost its warmth
the sparks have drifted away with the eastern winds
the funeral bells have fallen silent
the mighty gods above have been pleased
the offerings the deeds the silent prayers
done and blazing sun sets the western sky aflame
the numbness sets in
pain swiftly fading away
the emptiness fast enveloping
groping around in darkness
trying to find my ground
edge of conscience is bound by her laws
nature has her way
tearing away another soul
the ashes gently floating on the wind swept surf
all I have are the memories


Dedicated to Mani in loving memory.

sky kissed land

In my dreams I always find myself there

Where the sky meets the earth

Mountains flowing up the heavens

The Rivers frozen in place

Ancient pine trees reaching up to the sky and beyond

Seat of the gods

High above to watch over all

Living in my thought, a fragment of my imagination

Giving it life and all its meaning

I long to be there some day

I long to be there some day

Caged

Looking into his eyes
I can feel the pain
The loneliness of pacing up and down
The growl unaswered
The thrill of the hunt long forgotten
No matter how big the cage
It is not his home
the fence the barbed wire
that's all that he has known
the elephant grass long gone
the feel of the soft moist grass
smell of a fresh kill but a distant dream
waiting for the next meal
waiting as a slave
I can feel his pain, the frustration
If there is a hell then this is it
A free spirit trapped in a cage.

The land of magical river

The towering mountains flanking me

The winding river moving to her own rhythm

Basking muggers with their evil grin

The silent rumble of the Tusker

The leopardess moving like the morning mist unheard

I lived here.... the wind screaming freedom

Eagle watching over all from their lofty towers

The white backs circling riding the thermals patiently waiting

We were searching for the mighty beast

We felt his presence more often than not

He was watching us unseen unknown

In his land I was 

I lived here..... Breathing sweating

I lived here...... Coz he let me.  

in the land of the magical river...

The Elephant Song

My Karl Cullen my friend and my brother left this earth On Monday morning 20 May 2013, to continue on his journey. This blog entry is dedicated to him in loving memory.

“In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night… you– only you– will have stars that can laugh!”

And he laughed again.

“And when your sorrow is comforted (time soothes all sorrows) you will be content that you have known me. You will always be my friend. You will want to laugh with me. And you will sometimes open your window, so, for that pleasure… and your friends will be properly astonished to see you laughing as you look up at the sky! Then you will say to them, ‘Yes, the stars always make me laugh!’ And they will think you are crazy. It will be a very shabby trick that I shall have played on you…”

And he laughed again.

“It will be as if, in place of the stars, I had given you a great number of little bells that knew how to laugh…”



~ the Little Prince

And her name was Love...

She came broken twisted

weighed down by who she was forced to be

by who she thought she was

she sought comfort I gave her courage

she was looking for shelter I threw her to the elements

she grew I loved her for it

with her, on her road to self discovery I found joy

I got to know myself better

I lost her in the end but kept the moments

she gained freedom I found insight

fleeting though the moments with her she gave me all

the joy a story the laughter over a shared smoke

I welcomed her in to my world

but she had to leave early

the story ended the Magik remained

My Road to Ithaca

shoes are worn out

will last they said

backpack straps are digging into my shoulder

Rubbing it raw till the skin starts to peel

sun is bright, bright and intense, hurting my eye

hot sand picked up by the wind is hurling into my face

pricking it, bruising it

lips chaffed, dry, bright crimson drops starts to show through the cracks

Finishing of the last few drops of water

To quench the thirst, to ease the pain in my parched throat

still have miles to go

Before I reach my Ithaca

when I land on her shores, bruised I might be

But would have learnt all that there is 

experienced life as it is meant to be.....

Endless Drifters

The wind carrying the resonance of the gong

Ethereal sound of the conch enveloping

Moving

soul freed, gently drifts away

The crying the pain the loss all fading away

Sound of distant rumble, thunder rolling

monotonous bang of the pile driver

honking and the bickering

cremation workers haggling for a few tenners more

Nothing can drown out the truth

That our stories too have an end! 

wake-up

Morning coffee peeling away my sleep
Sun is just starting to peek ever so subtly
Over the distant tree tops
fully woken up by the sound of jostling trains
and vendors hawking myriad things
My day has started on railway platform
In some nondescript station.
The journey continues...

Sutured-Up

I took a needle and threaded it with truth

And started to sew the pieces together,

Every flaw, every mistake.

I sew them all together

Like a patch work quilt

Every good every attribute

I started taking shape

All the nuances and the imperfections

Complete and perfect

I didn't make me to be judged

But to be tested, to be tempered

By the elements of my world

By chance and by my free will

I am a work in progress

Always will be

Every fall; every flight

Just an event in this endless

Discontinuous experience

That which I call life

My life and I hold no one else

 Man or god responsible for it

Live It !!! or Die Trying..... Period

Disgust, pure plain and simple, is what I feel whenever I see people throw away their dreams so that they can afford a better phone, a better car maybe a better social circle. Seriously that's all your life is worth it? What's worse we have already trained our kids to stop dreaming very early on, so that they can get ahead in the bloody rat race!!!!!

 We are taught to consume mindlessly, comply mindlessly. When I take a walk through any crowded street all I see is broken dreams, broken spirit. All this reminds me of a broken horse saddled and harnessed with the blinds on. I am not talking about some random sample. I am referring to now and here, the state of our society. What’s more surprising is people actually compete to be better at this. From my perspective they are competing at not living. They celebrate ‘nothing’. I understand every man/women to his/her own. Then why in a society where a life’s dream is discarded whimsically, where living has lost all its sanctity, we expect our fellow human beings to value other’s life?

If you think this is some random drunken rant… go ahead with whatever suits you, but don’t you dare complain about the consequences of a society which has adopted this non-living lifestyle whole sale. We have not lost humanness; in that case we will at least live like an animal. Our case is actually worse… we have lost the concept of life and living and now we are turning on each other. We are living in a state of indifference, suppressing emotions such as concern, excitement, motivation and passion. All this for what? To get the approval of a society which didn’t give a damn any ways?  How demented are we to accept this premise and try to get on with this contorted living?

I value my relationships; I am passionate about my life and I live my dreams. It is possible to shun all social norms and be. I do not have special powers. My Dreams are non-negotiable simple. I have failed many a times. Then again I don’t play this game just to win; I play because I want to. My agenda here is of personal realizations, not to comply with protocols laid down by Dogmas of religion, nation or society.

Somewhere between checking out the latest out of your financial reach gadget on Flipkart and mocking your government for improper governance also think about living your dream, living your life and finding your destiny.

Damn the bloody society and its rules!!!!! Go live your Dream.

      

The rain song

And then she came, like the tears from heaven

Lamenting the parched earth

The first drop kicks up the dust

The bent stocks catching them on their brow

The sunbird perched high up on the fig tree chirping in joy

As she lashes on, soaking the ground

Earth runs red; the forest takes on brighter hue

Flame tree ablaze with their soft crimson fire

The cicadas have finally found their rhyme

The thrush has hit his happy note

She has sung life back into earth like a spell weaver

Her cloak has covered and nourished us

Standing out in the open with my arms spread

I am drenched in her eternal embrace

                                                 

A blue truck took me here

It is strange how more materialistically privileged one is, the more buildings and garbage that surrounds them. The most underprivileged have the best surrounding to live in, the best landscape to boast about.  These lines might not make an impact or even make any sense unless you experience it firsthand.

I have walked the filthy streets of Bandra and the breathtaking emptiness that is Danushkodi, both these places will extract a heavy toll if you want live there, but at the end only one will make you rich in a way you will never realize, the other will simply leave you empty.  One will take everything from you and help you find yourself; other will give you everything and make you lose yourself and your true identity.

The ruins from the 1964 hurricane

There are no concrete buildings here, all that protects the simple fisher folk from the endless wind is a thatched hut. Here the kids learn to count with the stars, they learn to fish before they walk. There is no electricity, no cellular network and no buildings here. There is simply nothing here. The endless empty expanse is strikingly beautiful.

Danushkodi village

Land here has decided to mimic the sea. The undulating dunes and faultless flats, to me it seems like the sea was frozen into solid earth by a whimsical god - One extending into another uninterrupted. The land and sea both acts like puppets in the hands on the endless wind, which rules this world absolutely. We humans will always be an outsider here... we will always be at the mercy of the elements here, a mere spectator and sometimes the victim of the constant war that is waged between the elements.  There are very few who can call this place home. Six hundred strong settlements in Danushkodi have some amazing tales to tell. Go find them, hear them out, if you can take time off from the busy schedule and see what it feels like to live on the other side of the line, on the other side of where your reality ends.

Thank you Jasdeep, you are an awesome travel companion. Cheers .

 Meetu thank you for this trip.  

Sojourn to Mowgli land

How do I make you understand the morning chill in a forest, the view of trees shrouded in mist, the call of a peacock, the tree pie, the cheetal or the sambar. They say a picture is worth a thousand words that maybe true but neither words nor all the pictures we clicked will ever do justice to the true experience we lived. I am at best making a futile attempt to describe the three most amazing days of my life so far.

This is how it all began, two people in similar situation wanting to escape the rut of their existence decided to travel together. One thing leading to another with a lot of ifs and buts three friends landed in a national park late one night with a lot of doubt and apprehension. My mom Meetu had done a great job of fixing accommodation in the vip guest house (that’s Indian for not open to general public).

We had a whole lot of animal sightings from day one, saying that I realize that would still be an understatement. The forest was teaming with life, at every turn every straight we had breath taking views. We lost track of time and every one of us went into a trance like state. Every minute sound was heard every falling leaf was noticed.  

In the night sleep eluded us with the constant rustle outside; noise of a breaking twig brought us out of our deep slumber. There was this constant excitement of another sighting, we were on the edge. Not the one which drains us, not the one which makes us hate every waking second. This seemed like our inner most being was dancing to the tune of jungle.

Then on the last day it finally happened, we spotted the tiger after a near miss. To begin with I came here seeking some sort of happiness what I found was ecstasy. We just sat and watched him, every move every muscle twitch, the yawn and the stretching, if you have not seen the tiger in the wild you have missed something really worthwhile in life. Our sighting lasted for a whole 45 minute and we were still very reluctant to leave the spot even after that.

All I could do on the journey back was close my eyes and relive every moment of it. Ro and Ila were happy high after seeing the tiger in the wild. On the last safari, about four hours after spotting the first tiger, we spotted another tigress. We had a close encounter with 'Big Momma', the tigress who successfully raised five cubs in a single litter and is also the star attraction of the jungle. Truly luck was on our side. After that point nothing else mattered, nothing seemed important, all the pain and sorrow I was carrying within for a long time was washed away. I felt light and appy again. This was my pilgrimage and I paid homage to the mighty beast of the jungle and I was twice blessed on the same day.

Thank ya Meetu Gupta :)

The change

Somewhere while worrying about job security, EMIs, credit card bills, fuel cost, general inflation, deadlines, work stress, ever increasing waistline and ever receding hairline we forget to live, we forget the meaning of love, we forget the sacrifices people around us make to put a smile on our face. We have pretty much replaced real relationships with the virtual ones. Most of us are insecure, lost, and alone. We drive away people, even the ones we claim to love. We all are running, not knowing what we are running from and not knowing towards what.

If you’re trying to justify it to yourself that this article is not about you think again. Getting sloshed (or whatever other myriad form of self-deprecating act you involve in) on every off you get is not living it is just a way to evade all those unanswered issues.

It is sad when any relationship goes down the drain when a person doesn’t have the time for it. The price we are paying for this madness is pretty heavy and the toll it takes on us is pretty grim. Yet we do it. Even people, who seem above it all, fall prey to this killer syndrome of ‘trying’ to make things work, while never quite getting around to doing anything.

This madness has to stop; we need to wake up before it is too late. Before all is lost and our life becomes just another unlived dream and the people that were once a part of it have moved on. We need to take time off every now and then to understand ourselves better, try and live life on our terms, and recognise and appreciate the people around us. Respect them for who they are and understand not everyone is interested in running this mindless rat race. This is a simple change, but it can make a world of difference

Maybe after reading this, if you feel something, remember there is still some amount of humanity left in you and there is still hope. Go back and undo some of your mistakes, make a beginning, probably tonight you might find sleep without the help that glass of scotch…

Cevil ... (yup.... thats the best i cud come up wid )

This one is a couple of months old….

We call ourselves civilized society and it is becoming a trend and very sad indeed that we continue to kill people without a trail, even if he happened to be the most notorious dictator responsible for genocide and oppression. We live in a world which is a little off its rocker.

 What is the difference between Muammar Gaddafi, Osama Bin Laden and the rest of the so called civilised world involved in this war against terror and autocracy, if we just repeat the same shit.

I fail to understand the joy in killing and making a spectacle of it, I fail to understand the rest of the world society which turns a blind eye to it. We have been told that wars are fought for peace (how oxymoronic); all we read about is collateral damage and exodus. We are not civilized; we have just shifted our not so civil activities to god forsaken countries. We support the dictators and autocrats when it suits and remove them when they become more of a liability. That is the same reason for letting the Chinese and Saudi government to continue to rule. Is economic motive the end all, to all our problems and needs?

 If we are truly proclaiming democracy, we should stop trading with China and stop buying oil from 90% of OPECs. We are not ready to do it and more importantly cannot do it. This is getting really contorted. I know and understand that a lot of things we do is not simple and linear. But all I wish for is that deceit and denial was not a part of the non-linear pattern of our thinking process. I am happy that India is holding trail for Mohammed Ajmal Amir Kasab. That is the only way forward. We live in a society and have the system of law and democracy for a reason. The end of this long drawn process might still be the noose for Mohammed Ajmal Amir Kasab. It is still better and more humane than lynching and making a spectacle of it. Our country is not perfect we are taking our first baby steps in the right direction.

 It is not simple and naive faith in the system. It is just that the only difference between us and the oppressed is this system, which we simply over look when it becomes inconvenient.  We are the result of 40 million years of evolutionary success and it is time we start behaving the part.

   

Dying to Live

Below is the list of regrets that different people in the final stages of their lives had and shared with a nurse offering palliative care. These five themes seem to be the most common with people in their death bed. I have read a lot of books and articles on dying and living and what struck me about this particular list is the simplicity of it all. I guess that is the beauty of death; it strips all the complexities that we have added to our lives over the years and shows us for who and what we truly are and what we are not. We have nothing to hide behind, nothing with which to protect ourselves from the inevitable truth.

The list:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

2. I wish I didn't work so hard.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

When you read the list and introspect, it will hit you; the mistakes you have made and the lost opportunities and you will also realize none of it has anything to do with material comfort.

The secret then to a happy life is to cherish people around you and more importantly surround yourself with people who will cherish you and help you grow. While you are alive try and get most of it right. Make the dying wish a living promise.






Ref. article: http://www.ariseindiaforum.org/nurse-reveals-the-top-5-regrets-people-make-on-their-deathbed/

coming of age of a politician and other related stuff

I never ever thought I would live to see the day when I can make sense out of statements made by Raj Thackeray. However, the man famous for ludicrous protests that hold Maharastrian cities to ransom has finally made a statement which struck a chord, at least with me. Is this what they call coming of age in politics?? He has stated that Belgaum, Nipani-Karwar, Khanapur and other Marathi-speaking villages in Karnataka should stay in Karnataka and Maharashtra has nothing special to offer them. With the outburst of protests to this statement, there is a high likelihood that he might withdraw it, or threaten the print media for printing them, and try and get them out of Maharashtra.

However, there is a lot of truth in his statement. Maharashtra has nothing to offer the hundreds of kids dying in Melghat due to malnutrition, no solution to the farmer’s problems in Vidarbha region, no solution to the sorry state of state-sponsored education, and other endless problems that plague them. There is no feasible solution forthcoming from the political class. I still don’t understand why, at a periodic interval (read elections), these politicians flare up the issue and people still fall prey to it.

And all those idiots from these border villages who damage public properties never see that their issue will always be only an issue. They are nothing but a trump card and the moment their problem is solved, they will lose all the political patronage they are enjoying. It will be interesting if these people use this to their favour and get additional benefits out of Karnataka govt., but I don’t see that ever happening. Idiots are always idiots; you see there is no cure for that one.

This is the case with all regions that want to break away from one or join with another.  There is no point. We the people are just expendable pawns to the political players. With the king sitting impassively in the centre, the queen and the knights have all the fun.

 Politicians of this state (and the rest of country), have and will always be, spokesmen and minions for the realtors and other so-called Elite. Yes, I am generalising, as the handful of politicians who are worth their salt don’t give a rats-ass as to whether I generalise or not. They will continue to do their work.

So moral of story - Raj is finally a mature politician, there is still some hope after all for the poor Aam Admi and politicians in general suck.

RAGE

Tearing across the skies

The sound of raging battle

roar of a million lions

Heard in unison, the cry of life

Nature wielding her sword of light

Unbridled arrogance, challenging

Destroying human ego

Born from wind and water

Beautiful in its ugly ferocity

Touching the earth

Like a stairway from hell

This is where the elements meet

Like sparks off a clashing sword

Too instantaneous to grasp

Too immense to behold.